Channel 4 News League Preview.

Blah, blah, blah, no one cares about your fantasy league. We drafted last Sunday, and the games start tomorrow, with the players in the positions as they are as of Thursday morning on the match-up pages. My predicted victors in boldface.

Game 1 – Pennsyltucky Power! (Run Up The Score) vs. the Rainmakers (yours truly):

• QB: Edge to me. Peyton Manning is the #1 fantasy QB for a reason, and especially against a lousy Saints secondary. RUTS is trotting out the respectable and hopefully improving Jay Cutler.
• WR: Laveranues Coles and Marques Colston are my boys, while RUTS sends out Braylon Edwards and Reggie Wayne. I’m calling this one in favor of RUTS, but barely.
• RB: PP! has Rudi Johnson and Brandon Jacobs while I throw up Travis Henry and Marion Barber III — he gets the edge for having two starters that aren’t splitting time.
• W/R: I’m trotting out Wes Welker against Fred Taylor.
• TE: Antonio Gates vs. Dallas Clark. Edge to Pennsyltucky, but possibly neutered by Gates going up against the Bears’ linebackers. Urlacher will be covering his ass.
• Team Defense: Chicago vs. New England. Wash.
• Defensive players: I’m running out Champ Bailey and Shawne Merriman against some no names. RUTS got victimized on the D players by autodraft. Win to me.
• Kicker: Josh Brown vs. Neil Rackers. Seattle gets more chances to kick points and FGs, I think. Edge to me.

Game 2 – I Love Lamp (Awful Announcing) vs. Bad Newz Kennels (Just Call Me Juice):

• QB: Carson Palmer against Kitna. Marco has the advantage here, because Kitna is prone to pick throwing, and Oakland’s defense happens to be respectable.
• WR: Domination for AA. Running Larry Fitzgerald and Roy Williams out is a sick tandem.
• RB: I’d give this to AA, but Brian Westbrook and Deuce McAllister for Marco seems more steady than any rushing team involving Ronnie Brown.
• TE: Kellen Winslow for Marco, L.J. Smith for the Lamp. I go with Smith if only because Donovan McNabb is capable of getting him the ball.
• W/R: DeAngelo Williams vs. Darrell Jackson. Edge to the Kennels.
• Team D: Baltimore gives it to the Lamp, but the Kennels bring out the Jags against a down Titans team.
• Defensive Players: Win to Marco; Polamalu and Peppers trump Zach Thomas and London Fletcher.
• Kicker: Matt Stover will get more points for the Kennels based on the inability of Baltimore to get in the end zone.

Game 3 – Brady’s Fuck Trophy (One More Dying Quail) vs. Benoit’s Day Care (Flyers Fieldhouse)

• QB: Bulger vs. McNabb — we give it to Donny Mac and the Day Care.
• WR: Each team has one of the Cincy WR tandem, so it has to go to OMDQ, who has the better second WR in Deion Branch.
• RB: Frank Gore and Willis McGahee looks to be an all-day combo for OMDQ. Jury’s still out on Shaun Alexander’s foot and Cedric Benson’s want-to.
• TE: This depends on Joey Harrington actually getting the ball to Alge Crumpler, but so does Shockey require Eli Manning getting him the ball. Wash.
• W/R: Purple Jesus (Adrian Peterson) over the rusty Cadillac in Tampa. Another one for OMDQ.
• K: I’ll give this to the Day Care because Gould will get more FG opportunities when the Chicago offense gets stopped short of the goal.
• Team D: Chargers vs. Dolphins. Miami has the weaker opponent on O.
• Defensive Players: The Day Care has a potential INT machine in Ellis Hobbs as teams throw away from Asante Samuel.

Game 4 – Smoot’s Fingercuffs (The Big Picture) vs. I Roll W/ Chris Henry (Larry Brown Sports)

• QB: Tom Brady vs. Matt Hasselbeck. Inclined to give it to LBS due to Brady’s receiving corps looking better on paper.
• WR: LBS gets it for having Anquan Boldin and Reggie Brown against the slacker Plaxico and the rookie Calvin Johnson.
• RB: Steven Jackson is a big deal, but the second RB for Zach is Edge James. LBS has Maroney and Maurice Jones-Drew, which is a good balancing act. Zach has a slight advantage.
• TE: Jason Witten up against Vernon Davis — Davis may be poised to break out and Alex Smith will be looking for him. Point for Zach.
• W/R: The Jones brothers go head to head, and Thomas will beat Julius.
• K: Viniatieri beats every other kicker. More Zach.
• Team D: Zach’s Dallas D wins because Larry’s Carolina D has a tougher opponent in St. Louis.
• Defensive Players: LBS owns it here, with DeMeco Ryans.

Damn close game, this one.

Game Five: Jazz Fluties (The Extrapolater) vs. Supreme Silver Sharpie (TSW of Ladies…)

• QB: Phil Rivers goes against VY. Rivers has more options, with both going against tough defenses. Giving this one to TSW.
• WR: Steve Smith and Torry Holt is one of the top WR combos in the league. Randy Moss may not play much for the Sharpie.
• RB: Each team has one dynamite back (Addai, Bush) and one questionable (Norwood, Portis). Wash, although Addai may get more carries.
• TE: Tony Gonzalez vs. Benjamin Watson. Advantage to the Fluties, if Damon Huard can actually get the ball to Tony.
• W/R: WR Lee Evans up on DeShaun Foster, the terminally hurt Carolina RB. Easy call, especially because DeAngelo Williams might get more carries.
• Team D: Extra P. will have this easy, since his Steeler D takes on the Browns (and pits TSW in the uncomfortable fantasy rooting spot.)
• Defensive Players: It’s even here — the Fluties have Jason Taylor, while TSW has Urlacher and Samari Rolle.
• Kicker: Shayne Graham against Jason Elam. Odds of Graham hitting a longer FG are better, though.

Game Six – The Mr. Beldings (A Price Above Bip Roberts) vs. Das Smoot (Majorly English)

• QB: Despite the superiority of Drew Brees, Yahoo’s preview has Tony Romo earning more points for the Beldings — likely due to the lackluster Giants D. I call a wash for this week.
• WR: Another up for the Beldings with both T.O. and Marvin Harrison.
• RB: Battle Extraordinaire, with Das Smoot sending Fantasy Jesus against Larry Johnson. Peter also has Marshawn Lynch up for the Smooters, so he gets the edge here.
• TE: Todd Heap vs. Chris Cooley. Advantge to Beldings with Heap going up against the shitty Cincy defense.
• W/R: I trust Javon Walker for the Beldings more than the Texans offensive line for Ahman Green. Beldings again.
• Team D: Philly against GB or Denver against Buffalo? I say Denver gets more INTs.
• Defensive Players: Terence Newman is still a returner (I think) for the Beldings and could break a touchdown. Das Smoot has the better individual defenders.
• K: Nate Kaeding over Jay Feely any day of the week. Beldings.

I reserve the right to be completely wrong. Recaps on Tuesday.