News League Recap, Finals

So, this is a week late, but it’s time to congratulate Run Up the Score, who assumes the throne as 2008’s champion of the Channel 4 News League by topping Marco in the final game.

Twisted Fister 96.26, Area Man 92.52 – A bad week in Week 16 for both of Marco’s wide receivers, Andre Johnson and Anquan Boldin, couldn’t help bolster the 35 points he got from DeAngelo Williams. Thus, RUTS takes the title with a balanced attack in which only three starting slots did not yield double digit points.

Monday Night Jihadis 114.82, Matt Jones’ Yayo 98.34 – 20+ from both Philip Rivers and the Miami defense in Week 16, plus only 3 starters scoring in single digits, got me third place over Awful Announcing.

(Still got some kinks to work out in adjusting scoring for next year…)

News League, Semi-Finals Week Recap

Quick and to the pointless:

Area Man 113.79, Monday Night Jihadis 94.68 – 20 from Andre Johnson and 18 from MoJo Drew spurred Marco on to the win after a bye week, and I have only the utter failure of DeSean Jackson and Brian Westbrook to garner 20 points combined to blame. This seemed like not too much to ask for against the Browns, but so be it.

Twisted Fister 106.53, Matt Jones’ Yayo 88.96 – Solely based on 26 from Michael Turner, 20+ from Steve Smith, and 20+ from the Jets defense, but that’s damn good for RUTS.

Pyle of List 110.45, APIAS FTW 2.0 79.29 – 25 points on 4 TDs for Matt Cassel will seal a victory for 5th place.

So, already underway, we have the 1 and 2 seeds in Marco and RUTS going for first place and my team taking on BP for third.

News League Recap, Week 14

Only two matches to note, as this was the first week of the playoffs and two of the six teams had a bye:

Monday Night Jihadis 147.13, Pyle of List 85.14 – Even Tony Romo throwing three picks didn’t matter for me, as 32 points from Antonio Bryant, 30 more from Brian Westbrook, and touchdowns from Chris Johnson and LenDale White poured it on. The only offensive players Pyle could get in the double digits were Matt Cassel and Brandon Marshall.

Matt Jones’ Yayo 81.55, APIAS FTW 2.0 78.14 – All about chipping in for AA, as Kerry Collins, Adrian Peterson, Ryan Grant, Stephen Gostowski, and the Titans’ D all had double digit scores.  The Pudge crew got screwed when its running backs came up with nothing much at all.

This week:

  • The Jihadis take on the first place Area Man and the Yayo runs up against Twisted Fister, fresh from their bye weeks.
  • APIAS and Pyle square off for 5th place.

News League Recap, Week 13


We have now hit the end of the regular season. Please celebrate the six teams that made the playoffs.

*1. Area Man 10-3-0 .769 1290.60 W-6
*2. Twisted Fister 8-5-0 .615 1256.75 L-1
*3. APIAS FTW 2.0 8-5-0 .615 1187.75 W-1
*4. Monday Night Jihadis 7-6-0 .538 1175.03 W-1
*5. Pyle of List 7-6-0 .538 1150.12 L-1
*6. Matt Jones’ Yayo 7-6-0 .538 1134.67 W-2
7. Kellen Me Softly 5-8-0 .385 1155.20 L-1
8. Why So Jerious? 5-8-0 .385 1143.56 W-1
9. Chocolate Squirrels 5-8-0 .385 1076.86 L-2
10. TSW 3-10-0 .231 1088.55 L-6

I’d like to thank the four that missed, because they were good sports and I think everyone had fun. Let’s get to how we got here this week, huh.

Area Man 96.09, Kellen Me Softly 87.61 – Marco capped an absolutely remarkable six game winning streak to end the regular season by beating his STF counterpart and co-editor Eric.  His support? Mostly a 32 point performance from DeAngelo Williams for Carolina, and some double digit ones, whereas Eric’s only major help was Jets RB Thomas Jones and his 20+.

APIAS FTW 2.0 75.23, Twisted Fister 68.02 – The Goldfish Cowboy took a slim victory for the Pudge Crew thanks to a 19 point defensive effort by Houston on Monday night. However, the win wasn’t enough to snatch a first round bye from RUTS and the Fister, who coasts in with a 70 point differential.

Monday Night Jihadis 134.15, Chocolate Squirrels 105.84 – OMDQ put up a great fight, with nearly 30 points from Steve Slaton, 25 from Bernard Berrian and 25 from Rob Bironas.  But getting single digits from Brett Favre, Reggie Wayne, and Randy Moss wasn’t going to cut it — not when I had eight TDs scored by players on Thursday games alone (three passes from Tony Romo, two rushing TDs each for LenDale White and Chris Johnson against the helpless Lions.)  It could have been worse, OMDQ, because I pulled the boner benching of the week — Brian Westbrook and his 4 TDs sat, and I believe I’ve covered how mad this made me.

Matt Jones’ Yayo 111.32, TSW 88.86 – AA heads right in with the last seed in the playoffs thanks to Donovan McNabb’s 4 TDs, Tennessee’s humiliation of the Lions’ offense, and 20 points from Purple Jesus.  In a fitting end to a season that ended on a 6-game losing streak, TSW only got good performances out of her homer Steelers.

Why So Jerious? 85.88, Pyle of List 69.29 – The Pyle guys coughed up the 4 slot thanks to a complete shitting of the bed by anyone not named Larry Johnson or Greg Jennings.  This allowed Oops Pow to go out on a high note with a victory largely thanks to Baltimore’s defense.

Now, we have a bye week for Marco and RUTS, while the other four duke it out starting Thursday:

1) APIAS FTW 2.0 (#3) takes on Matt Jones’ Yayo (#6) – The Pudge boys took the victory over AA the first time around; can AA wreak vengeance and an upset? That may all depend on just how well Donovan McNabb plays against the Giants. By Yahoo predictions of players in the line-up, the Yayo is prime for the upset.

2) Monday Night Jihadis (#4) vs. Pyle of List (#5) – Earlier in the season, the List took me out.  This is about as closely matched as you can get; Pyle has the WR edge and a quarterback with an easier matchup, and I’ve got the slight edge in RBs.  Fun.

News League Recap, Week 12

One week to go until the playoffs start, and four of six playoff spots have been locked up. Four teams still have a shot at the last two slots:

*1. Area Man 9-3-0 .750 1194.51 W-5
*2. Twisted Fister 8-4-0 .667 1188.49 W-4
*3. APIAS FTW 2.0 7-5-0 .583 1112.52 L-1
*4. Pyle of List 7-5-0 .583 1080.83 W-1
5. Monday Night Jihadis 6-6-0 .500 1040.88 L-2
6. Matt Jones’ Yayo 6-6-0 .500 1023.35 W-1
7. Kellen Me Softly 5-7-0 .417 1067.59 W-2
8. Chocolate Squirrels 5-7-0 .417 971.02 L-1
9. Why So Jerious? 4-8-0 .333 1057.68 L-2
10. TSW 3-9-0 .250 999.69 L-5

Area Man 126.85, Why So Jerious? 111.00 – 20+ from DeAngelo Williams and nearly 40 from the Tampa Bay defense keeps Marco in first place by beating OPS and his 37-point scoring Baltimore defense. (Something tells me I need to fiddle with the D-points for next season.)

Twisted Fister 109.56, Chocolate Squirrels 80.24 – 26 for Aaron Rodgers and 25 for Matt Forte help provide RUTS with his margin of victory, despite 27 from Randy Moss to help OMDQ.

Pyle of List 120.88, APIAS FTW 2.0 109.96 – Pyle benefits from the development of Matt Cassel to the tune of 39 points, plus 31 from the Chicago defense. This is enough to top the combined effort of nearly 30 from Drew Brees and 25 from Houston’s defense.

Kellen Me Softly 103.72, TSW 79.39 – Eric stays in playoff contention by having only three starters not score in double figures, taking advantage of a distracted TSW, who was otherwise occupied.

Matt Jones’ Yayo 85.04, Monday Night Jihadis 66.68 – AA overcomes Donovan McNabb scoring negative points for him thanks to a breakout day from Saints WR Lance Moore.  I had no one do anything if his name wasn’t Tony Romo.

Starting tomorrow: the Jihadis and the Squirrels square off; the Yayo has the semi-absent TSW to face off with; Eric takes on Marco in the Storming the Floor Bowl, fighting for a playoff spot. APIAS and the Fister will duke it out for 2nd place rights and a bye, while Jerious will try and knock Pyle down a peg.

News League Recap, Week 11


Two weeks left, top six make the playoffs, and we’re getting very, very close here.

*1. Area Man 8-3-0 .727 1067.33 W-4
2. Twisted Fister 7-4-0 .636 1078.50 W-3
3. APIAS FTW 2.0 7-4-0 .636 1002.56 W-1
4. Monday Night Jihadis 6-5-0 .545 974.00 L-1
5. Pyle of List 6-5-0 .545 959.95 L-2
6. Matt Jones’ Yayo 5-6-0 .455 938.31 L-1
7. Chocolate Squirrels 5-6-0 .455 890.78 W-1
8. Kellen Me Softly 4-7-0 .364 963.87 W-1
9. Why So Jerious? 4-7-0 .364 946.68 L-1
10. TSW 3-8-0 .273 920.30 L-4

Area Man 122.44, TSW 91.27 – Marco locks up the first playoff spot by topping the last-place Starter Wife by 30 points. Monster days from DeAngelo Williams, MoJo Drew, and the New York Giants’ D, plus double digits from LDT and Anquan Boldin made it too much for TSW.

Kellen Me Softly 123.86, Monday Night Jihadis 68.61 – When Eric has Peyton Manning, Marshawn Lynch, Thomas Jones, and T.J. Houshmanzadeh all doing well and I can’t get anyone above double digits save the kicker and the defense, that’s a week where I am supplying the butt. (Fuck you and your two picks very much, Philip Rivers. You and Andy Reid can both go die in a fire — him for only giving the ball to Brian Westbrook FOURTEEN FUCKING TIMES IN THE GAME.)

APIAS FTW 2.0 106.54, Why So Jerious? 82.04 – TGC keeps riding his running back to victory: 26 from Joseph Addai and 19 from Brandon Jacobs top the list of double digit performers.  Frank Gore’s 22 wasn’t nearly enough for Oops Pow, who is also on the outside looking in for a playoff spot.

Chocolate Squirrels 79.85, Pyle of List 71.34 – OMDQ gets one step closer to .500 and is ready to challenge AA for a playoff spot — doing it mostly on the back of Texans RB Steve Slaton and his 24 points.  The Pyle didn’t get any superstar performances, with Trent Edwards and Greg Jennings being the only regular position players to break double digits.

Twisted Fister 76.59, Matt Jones’ Yayo 67.41 – 20 points each from Michael Turner and the Jets defense is enough to give RUTS the win on a week where both he and AA didn’t have a lot of good to talk about.

Starting tomorrow:

  • I lead the Jihadis against my boss AA and his Yayo.
  • TSW looks to drag Eric and Kellen down to her level in the cellar.
  • OMDQ takes his Squirrels into battle, looking for a playoff spot against the 2nd place Fister.
  • APIAS and Pyle jockey for position.
  • After handily beating the 10th place team, Marco and Area Man take on the 9th place Jerious.

News League Recap, Week 10

Another bad week at the day job meant I missed another league recap. Seems I missed a lot, as first place changed hands again.

1. Area Man 7-3-0 .700 944.89 W-3
2. Twisted Fister 6-4-0 .600 1001.91 W-2
3. Monday Night Jihadis 6-4-0 .600 905.39 W-1
4. APIAS FTW 2.0 6-4-0 .600 896.02 L-2
5. Pyle of List 6-4-0 .600 888.61 L-1
6. Matt Jones’ Yayo 5-5-0 .500 870.90 W-2
7. Why So Jerious? 4-6-0 .400 864.64 W-1
8. Chocolate Squirrels 4-6-0 .400 810.93 L-1
9. Kellen Me Softly 3-7-0 .300 840.51 L-2
10. TSW 3-7-0 .300 829.05 L-3

Monday Night Jihadis 78.93, TSW 66.09 – I don’t know how I managed not to lose. Benching Ricky Williams last Sunday should have been the end of me.  Essentially, what killed TSW was getting nothing out of Ben Roethlisberger and his bad shoulder.

Why So Jerious? 97.31, Chocolate Squirrels 66.73 – OPS rides the domination of the Kurt Warner Machine and the Ravens’ D to victory, while Brian had to deal with non-performance from anyone not named Reggie Wayne.

Twisted Fister 125.56, Kellen Me Softly 110.36 – RUTS wins this high-scoring affair despite only two points from Jake Delhomme because everyone else scored in bunches, neutralizing 20+ point games from Tony Gonzalez, Peyton Manning, and Thomas Jones for Eric.

Area Man 108.00, APIAS FTW 2.0 90.56 – Marco is now safely in first place after Anquan Boldin, MoJo Drew, and DeAngelo Williams all topped 20+ last week. This bested 20+ point days from Drew Brees and Brandon Jacobs for TGC.

Matt Jones’ Yayo 103.45, Pyle of List 66.31 – Adrian Peterson’s monstrous 30 point game against the Packers was merely the icing on the cake for BP, as he topped the Pyle crew, which didn’t have a player top 12 points last week.

Matchups, starting tomorrow:

  • Last place goes up against first place when TSW takes on Area Man.
  • The Yayo battles the Fister.
  • The Squirrels try to chew up the List.
  • Jerious? tries to keep knocking the once first place APIAS down.
  • The Jihadis take on the online manifestation of the soldier Kellen in the guerrilla war of the week.