Channel 4 News League Recap, Week 5.

Broncos lose, USC loses, and I lose the top spot in the League. Fuck.

1. I Love Lamp 5-0-0 1.000 530.42 W-5
2. The Rainmakers 4-1-0 .800 598.80 L-1
3. I Roll w Chris Henry 4-1-0 .800 575.78 W-3
4. Jazz Fluties 4-1-0 .800 546.22 W-2
5. Pennsyltucky Power! 3-2-0 .600 549.12 W-1
6. Haywood Jablome 3-2-0 .600 476.82 L-1
7. Bad Newz Kennels 2-3-0 .400 535.66 L-2
8. Brady’s F*ck Trophy 2-3-0 .400 517.32 L-1
9. SupremeSilverSharpie 1-4-0 .200 512.14 W-1
10. Benoit’s Day Care 1-4-0 .200 457.94 W-1
11. Smoot’s Fingercuffs 1-4-0 .200 454.70 L-2
12. Das Smoot 0-5-0 .000 467.78 L-5

I Roll w/Chris Henry 131.86, The Rainmakers 97.38 – Larry was already ahead heading into Monday, and getting good days from Jason Witten and Nick Folk basically ensured a victory. What’s really bad is that half my players are on the bye next week. I sense losing streak.

Benoit’s Day Care 89.08, Haywood Jablome 53.46 – Ted got screwed by having three players produce no points (Marvin Harrison and Isaac Bruce didn’t play, and Todd Heap just didn’t do shit.) The Day Care rode Derek Anderson’s arm for its first win.

Pennsyltucky Power! 134.48, Bad Newz Kennels 90.76 – These are the three players that DID NOT score in double digits for RUTS – Jay Cutler (ineffective), Michael Pittman (hurt), and Marlin Jackson (defensive player); made the free agent pick-up of the week with 27 points out of Kenton Keith, filling in for Joseph Addai. Leaving Donte Stallworth on the bench didn’t help Marco much.

Supreme Silver Sharpie 81.64, Smoot’s Fingercuffs 67.84 – Despite a down week from Randy Moss, 23 points from Benjamin Watson, the usual from Roethlisberger, and a shit-the-bed performance from Matt Hasselbeck on behalf of the Fingercuffs gets TSW her first win of the season.

Jazz Fluties, 113.06, Brady’s Fuck Trophy 80.18 – OMDQ played two players on the bye week, but looking at his bench, he was probably better off that way. Extra P. went as far as Kris Brown’s foot and the five field goals he kicked off it (three of 50+ yards) would carry him.

I Love Lamp 86.74, Das Smoot 84.18 – I’m starting to feel bad for Peter, because not only did he lose by the thinnest of margins, but Michael Turner’s insane point total was left on the bench because it makes sense: everyone expects LDT to have the huge day; no one’s expecting the backup to rack up 147 yards rushing — and Marshawn Lynch stunk last night. He also takes the Bad Benching award for sticking with Drew Brees over the surprisingly competent Brian Griese. AA remains undefeated despite an awful week from Jon Kitna and Roy Williams.

This Week: Das Smoot tries again for that first win, this time against the Fluties….The Sharpie is the next team to try and derail the bullet train to Vegas that is I Love Lamp…The battle of 1-4 teams in the Fingercuffs taking on the Day Care…Pennsyltucky’s finest will try to square it with Chris Henry’s entourage….The Kennels and the Fuck Trophy look to be .500 when these two teams meet…I will try to get it going again against Haywood without Peyton Manning (bye week casualty.)