The Clemens-McNamee Congressional Testimony Drinking Game.

With the Rocket and his former trainer both set to take the stand in about six hours (hopefully I can get myself up at 6:30 AM) for what is likely an elaborate form of Kabuki Congressional Theatre, even with Andy Pettitte telling Congress that Clemens used steroids, you may be in need of some form of entertainment. Generally, I don’t advise drinking prior to the job or on the job, but if you’re going to watch all of the testimony on ESPN News or what have you, you might want to have that flask, Bloody Mary, mimosa or Po’mosa on hand.

Here are your rules, first for Clemens’ testimony. Drink if he:

1. Talks about his reputation and image that he’s trying to protect.
2. Does the Rafael Palmeiro finger-wag with his denial.
3. Calls McNamee a liar out loud.
4. Talks ish about BFF Andy Pettitte.
5. Calls out George Mitchell for including McNamee’s stuff in the Mitchell Report
6. Gets angry and cusses by accident.

For McNamee’s testimony, drink if he:

1. Says Clemens is lying outright.
2. Provides receipts, needles, or other evidence before the committee. (Chug if that evidence is in a beer can.)
3. Answers any question about possible extortion or any other reason Clemens or Rusty Hardin have provided as to why McNamee would accuse Clemens.
4. Mentions the number of times he allegedly shot Clemens up.
5. Describes in detail where (location and body part) he allegedly shot Clemens up.

Drink if any Congresscritter:

1. Blatantly kisses Clemens’ ass.
2. Lapses into any sort of “for the children”-type rhetoric.
3. Openly accuses either witnessing of lying or questions credibility.
4. Takes any potshots at Bud Selig or Donald Fehr, even though they will not be there.
5. Tells the story of someone from their district who was affected by/used PEDs.
6. Asks a question written for them that demonstrates they have no idea about the issue at hand.*
7. Tells a story of their childhood introduction/love of baseball.*
8. Utters a grammatical error or mispronounces a name in prepared remarks.*

*6 & 7 courtesy of commenter Jim Boswell; 8 added due to remembering “Palmeri” bit from last time Selig and Fehr were in the chamber
That should keep you busy and/or sneakily drunk by lunch. Have fun!

Photo: AP/Susan Walsh