Note To Idiot Sports Writers and Producers: Please Find Another Cliche.

At this point, I am making a very humble and simple request for any further coverage of the cheating accusations/gamesmanship/dick-measuring contest between Coach Hobo and the Mangiano in either the MSM or Blogfrica: please stop fucking referring to it as “Spy-gate”, “Camera-gate”, or any lame variations thereof.

SI and ESPN have been using the former; the Sports Guy used the latter in his latest column, and it’s idiotic as fuck for several reasons (and inspires serious bouts of swearing for these reasons as well on my part):

  • Just because it’s a scandal does not mean it requires the “-gate” suffix, which was a stupid thing that the D.C. political press corps started in the first place to apply to any scandal of marginal importance. People not only forget that the Watergate Hotel was an actual place, but today, they would call it Watergate-gate. How dumb is that?
  • Implicitly comparing the allegations of cheating (as serious as they may be and likely are) to the skullduggery, thuggishness, and general asshattery that President Richard Nixon and his minions engaged in for six years is disgustingly hyperbolic, and obscures the fact that we’re still paying for that bullshit decades later.
  • It’s fucking lazy. Yes, as a broadcast news writer, I understand the temptation to give in to the easy hook and cliche that gets readers and viewers, but eventually, you get sick of cracking the same joke and using the same cliche. It’s like using the same Britney Spears joke in a tease for every story I would write about her. Why limit yourself to one headline when you can come up with ten better ones?

In a business where we’re presuming those getting paid good money to write this stuff are good enough at it to earn that money (maybe I should reconsider that; even I’m not quite buying that phrase right there), I expect at least a little creativity. Try alliteration, or cracking on “Candid Camera” or something — referencing old pop culture’s a gold mine.

6 Responses

  1. Glad someone finally said it. Another lazy clutch falling into the hands of broadcasters recently: “mired.” As in, mired in a slump. Can’t stand that one either.

  2. Halle-fucking-leuia. That is the dumbest thing ever. Watergate has a lot of ‘splainin’ to do, because they also gave us “at that point in time”.

  3. Sports writers and reporters being lazy; there’s a shock. Just like the Shrutebag calling Bellichick, Belli-cheat. Yeah, real original Herd, you mook.
    Oh, and EP…. don’t forget that Watergate also gave us that “great American”(cough*bullshit*cough), G. Gordon Liddy.

  4. I think my favorite is “Spy-gate”. I mean as far as unoriginal nonsensical terms go, it sounds catchy without actually meaning anything, perfect for ESPN.

  5. I have to agree completely. What surprises me is that the European sports press is just as lazy.

    Well, that part shouldn’t and doesn’t. What is stunning is that they use exactly the same crutch. The current debacle in Formula 1 is known as Stepney-gate in the British press. Stepney is the surname of the former Ferrari engineer who leaked design secrets to McLaren.

    While I am on the topic notice the punishment that was handed down. A $100M fine and expulsion out of this year’s competition. All for the equivalent of the Pats hiring a former Colts assistant and using a playbook he took with him. If only Goodel had the nerve to slam the Pats as hard.

  6. […] possible hearings involving Roger Goodell and the NFL over the Patriots’ taping scandal (I refuse to call it “Spygate” for linguistic and historical reasons.) “It’s the same old story,” Mr. Specter said. “What […]

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