Turn That Pep Talk Heartbeat Over Again

Stacey tried
I was halfway crucified
I was high upon the uprights
Of no tomorrow
You zapped in
And my life began again
Saved me from another weekend
Of football-free sorrow
All day long
We would sing that old fight song
And every word we sang
I knew was true

Are you with me, Doctor Lou?
Are you really just a shadow
Of the man that I once knew?
Are you crazy? Are you high?
Or just an ordinary guy?
Have you done all you can do?
Are you with me, Doctor?

Don’t seem right
I’ve been strung out here all night
I’ve been waiting for the hits
You said you’d bring to me
An edit bay
Where the football highlights play all day
I went searching for the words
You used to say to me


Wendi lies
You could see it in her eyes
But imagine my surprise
When I saw you

Are you with me, Doctor Lou?
Are you really just a shadow
Of the man that I once knew?
The money’s lovely, your bosses sly
And you’re an ordinary guy
Have they finally got to you?
Can you hear me, Doctor?
Are you with me, Doctor?

(Thanks to Awful Announcing and Saturday Sound-Offs for the first video, and apologies to Fagen and Becker.)

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“My Creation, It Lives Again!”

It’s times like these where I wish I had any sort of skill with Photoshop or could farm it out (hint, hint to the reader base). Scene: The dank, dark depths of The Razor in Foxborough, where a crazed man, hunched over in his hooded sweatshirt and headband, without regard for the freezing temperatures, slaves in his workshop.

Doctor Hobo: Hmm, yes…so we have lost Roosevelt to a season-ending injury, with a linebacker corps exposed for being aged by that God-damned walrus and his trusty back-up quarterback. Adalius!
Adalius Thomas: Yes, Doctor?
Dr. Hobo: There is no need to panic, is there?
Adalius: No, Doctor. Vrabel is still intact, and Bruschi must simply soak for a week to restore his old bones. Junior appears to be a bit on the senior side this week, though.
Dr. Hobo: Good. You are young yet. I hope never to have to perform such miracles on you as I have had to do for those two. However, we must ensure the survival of our complete domination — the world demands it, I demand it, and we are capable of it!
Adalius: Yes, Doctor. How can we assist you in this endeavor?
Dr. Hobo: Revive the cyborg I had shut down in the corner twice this season. Get Richard to help you lift him out of the basement. (Resumes tinkering with soldering connections and large lithium battery.)
Adalius: Right away, sir. Seymour!

(Grabs lumbering Richard Seymour and heads to the metal storage units in the back of the basement. Richard Seymour skulks along to the back, where they retrieve a case marked “Chad Brown” and bring it to the Hobo.)

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