Kobe’s Undies Are As Baggy As His Game Shorts

Activision goes all Risky Business parody to promote the newest Guitar Hero. I see no problem with that.

Tony Hawk makes sense — doesn’t Activision also make his Pro Skater games? — and Kobe Bryant is just funny, as is Michael Phelps. But I wonder if Alex Rodriguez had even heard of the game; maybe he has.  He’s the only one I can’t really see as a gamer at all.

In fact, Activision totally whiffed when they decided not to bring the most obvious candidate for an ad for their game in:

Seriously, major missed opportunity to poke some more fun at itself and the game. They DID have to go for people who might actually be able to sell things (although, again, why go for A-Rod? How good a pitchman is he?)

(Photo via Deadspin.)

If That Ad Shows Up In SI, I’m Canceling My Subscription

In an otherwise throwaway gossip column by Jo Piazza in the NY Daily News, we have a tidbit that’s sure to make the majority of us retch in response, not solely because the idea of Giants QB Eli Manning pitching any sort of product seemed improbable nine months ago (and those Citizen EcoDrive ads at right became the product of derision until the Super Bowl), but due to what he might be hawking in the future.

Calvin Klein may be trying to get into Tom Brady’s pants (the company, not the designer, to make him the brand’s new underwear model!), but word on the street is sexy men’s underwear line 2(x)ist is trying to get his rival, Giants quarterback Eli Manning, to model their teeny-weeny, bikini-style briefs.

Ew, ew, ew.  I have nothing personally against either Peyton or Eli because their singular hang-dog facial expressions amuse me greatly, but Manning the  Younger is quite possibly the last athlete I would choose to see modeling skivvies (if I had to decide which male jock I had to see on the advertising pages in my magazines.)   This isn’t nearly as problematic or questionable as, say, Brett Favre or Koren Robinson doing promotions for Seagram’s, but it’s quite possibly more wince-inducing if it happens.

Hat tip to Ben Maller for the Daily News piece.

“Sex” and the singular star Sarah Jessica Parker (scroll down) [New York Daily News]

Lazy Friday Video Posting.

It is what it is. First, add some of the more cracker-like LSU fan base + beer + questions about low-income housing being destroyed, and you get this, thanks to Rumors and Rants:

Second: That Diet Pepsi Max ad offended the football gods, Cowboys, and you paid for it — via KSK:

Jason Garrett was kept out of that ad for a reason, people.

The One, The Only, Goulet.

I’ve got my own reasons for mourning the passing of Robert Goulet, as I’m a big musical nerd who took voice lessons and trained by singing the majority of Camelot (“If Ever I Would Leave You” and “C’est Moi” in particular), but I’d forgotten he did a series of college basketball ads for ESPN until PopJocks compiled them in two parts:

Michael Jordan Never Got His Own Gatorade Flavor.

This is just how Tiger Woods rolls these days, and the announcement that he will be the recipient of his own brand of sports drink from Gatorade called “Gatorade Tiger,” natch, is one of the more interesting marketing developments to my commercially addled little mind.

The deal has been in the works since the summer, and Golfweek reported earlier that it came down to Gatorade and Vitamin Water. It became obvious who won out when Woods began drinking from Gatorade bottles during the final month of the PGA Tour season, even when the Gatorade product wasn’t available at certain tournaments.

“Gatorade has been part of my game plan for years, whether I’m training or competing, so this is an ideal match,” Woods said in a statement. “I’m eager to launch my first signature product in a few months and look forward to developing additional sports performance beverages with Gatorade in the coming years.”

Everyone knows Gatorade is only tasty if you’re using it for its intended purpose in athletic activity or in extracurricular alcoholic activity (whether as a chaser or as a hangover cure.) That said, I certainly hope to purchase it when it comes out in grape, a cherry blend, and citrus blends — I suspect each will chase vodka fairly well — but I have to say I’m disappointed in the flavor selection, and would like to suggest these ones to Tiger if the line is ever expanded:

  • Phil Mickelson’s Tears (extra sweet when whipping a rival’s ass at anything)
  • Fried Chicken and Collard Greens (this is probably a Jones Soda flavor, so I understand why it was passed over)
  • Watermelon (this and the previous one are both Fuzzy Zoeller-approved!)
  • Thai Tea (gotta cover all aspects of those Cablinasian roots)
  • Swedish Ice (in honor of the lovely missus)

I’m telling you, the “Mickelson’s Tears” flavor will be flying off the fucking shelves. And you know other Gatorade endorsees will be looking to get in on some of this. “Gatorade Peyton” will likely be fruit-based, but will change flavors depending on how you shake it and how long it is chilled. “Gatorade Jeter” will likely be the least popular, because it will taste like a bad combination of starlet and A-Rod.

Update: Son of a…The Angry T did this gag ten times better, with Photoshopped goodness, and even made the Rory Sabbatini joke I couldn’t come up with at 2 AM.

They’ll Need Another Camp To Learn Some Defense.

Either yours truly is particularly naive or something, because an NYT article on Steve Nash running a basketball camp for select, invitation-only guests in New Jersey to show them his patented offensive skills (obviously, nothing was particularly said regarding defense, wait until Bruce Bowen puts on a camp — like that’ll happen) caught me a bit off guard. It wasn’t necessarily because of a corporate sponsor alone, but for other reasons:

“There’s a lot of talent in this gym,” said Nash, a two-time N.B.A. most valuable player. “It’s a real good group.”

So good, in fact, that they had arrived here by invitation for the camp, which was organized by Nike. For three days, Nash tutored 32 of the nation’s top high school and college point guards on matters like breaking a trap, setting a screen and rolling off a pick. All that was left now was to give them his autograph.

D. J. Augustin, a 5-foot-11 sophomore at Texas, and many of the others described themselves as fans and students of Nash’s game.

“He’s always thinking out there, always a step ahead of everyone else, and he always seems to make the right pass at the right time,” Augustin said.

The boldface in the blockquote is mine. This article is innocuous enough, and to be shocked and appalled that Nike might have something to do with this is to play the naif to a degree which I wouldn’t dare. I’m just wondering how this is kosher with the NCAA. I know the athletes attending don’t directly profit, and it may be safe to say that their athletic departments get them there. However, that can be construed as access to amateur athletes for commercial sponsorships down the road, couldn’t it?

Oh well. Trying to expect anything resembling consistency from the NCAA has been a losing cause. Just the athletic world we live in, isn’t it?

Ah, So That’s Why They Have 33 Nut Shots.

Video of the day:

Thank you, FanIQ via Awful Announcing.