The Shakedown, Week 4

Top 10:

  1. Oklahoma – Destroying teams by those margins allows a retaining of the #1 spot. Does this team have a weakness? I say no, but I’m still looking forward to the inevitable Bob Stoops BCS Bowl Collapse.
  2. USC – beating OSU would count for more, y’know, if everyone and their mother hadn’t expected the Trojans to beat up on OSU.
  3. Missouri – again, a drubbing of Nevada isn’t questioned on the offensive end, and the defense held pretty well in this game. I’m just concerned when they face actual Big 12 competition. I’m less likely to think this team beats Oklahoma in a championship game. Next ritual sacrifice: Turner Gill’s Buffalo squad.
  4. Georgia – Eventually the Dawgs will lose. It’s just not going to be this week, because if the Mountain West has already demonstrated anything, it’s that non-USC teams in the Pac-10 suck. Knowshon Moreno can still save the world; Matthew Stafford will be better. It’s the line play on both ends that raises concern thanks to injuries.
  5. Florida – For all of Urban Meyer’s efforts, this team is still all Tim Tebow, all the time. Not like this will be a problem against Tennessee this weekend.
  6. Wisconsin – Based somewhat on the “who you play” principle: beating Fresno State means more to me than the patsies LSU and Texas have beaten up on, regardless of the talent of those particular sides.
  7. LSU – considering Auburn’s offensive ineptitude, should be a lock for SEC West now. (Do not talk about Alabama. Alabama has to beat someone in conference convincingly first.)
  8. Texas – Really a shame that Oklahoma’s as good as it as again, but at least the Red River Shootout will be competitive for another year.
  9. BYU – For a thorough Tabernacling of UCLA, and also because I refuse to put Auburn anywhere near a top 10 right now.
  10. East Carolina – that was much, much closer than it needed to be, Pirates. Thanks! Now go back to beating up people by taking out N.C. State.

The Other MIscreants:

  • Ohio State – Please, please, please, do us all a favor and lose to Penn State in a few weeks so we don’t have to hear even a whisper about you any longer.
  • Penn State – Please live up to the scores you’ve run up against lesser opponents. That’s fun viewing, honestly, and if you don’t hang half a hundred on Temple this weekend, JoePa will eat all of your brains.
  • South Florida – MattGrothe is the Magic 8-ball of QBs: what you shake up and get in the end can be among one of about seven or eight qualities of play. That’s still better than anything else in the Big East not named Pat White.
  • Colorado – The time has come, mythical men of Boulder. The hillbillies from West Fuckin’ Virginia have come to your turf. It’s time to burn their fucking couches, because THIS IS DIVISION I FOOTBALL, BROTHERS!
  • Notre Dame – Sorry, you still suck and your coach is on crutches. Michigan just happens to stink worse. Brian Hoyer is quite possibly one of the lamer quarterbacks I’ve had the displeasure of watching, but Javon Ringer will run Irish ass into the ground.

Assorted Picks:

  • WFVU/Colorado – CU by a 3/4 point difference. FREE THE MAJESTIC BUFFALO.  We’ve still no clue what Bill Stewart is actually trying to do in Morgantown, and this is a road game of the caliber that a Big East school does not normally play.  (Trust me when I say I take no joy in watching Stewart look clueless, it’s a waste of White’s senior year.)
  • Alabama/Arkansas – Asshole Bowl I gets underway in Fayetteville with Nick Saban taking on Bobby Petrino.  Due to talent amassed, this is a Tide win by a touchdown, but let’s just say we’re rooting for both Casey Dick and John Parker Wilson to regress in ways only dreamed about.
  • Florida/Tennessee – This would be closer, but unfortunately, Phil Fulmer and Dave Clawson have shown absolutely no inclination to dispense the ball to Arian Foster and Monterio Hardesty when, y’know, that actually works better than having Jonathan Crompton throw more than 30 times a game. For an encore, Tebow will then circumcise Smokey on the sidelines.
  • Arizona/UCLA – If His Coachness Rick Neuheisel beats Mike Stoops, does he even make the plane trip back to Tucson?
  • Wake Forest/Florida State – Riley Skinner is a maddeningly efficient little thing of a quarterback, and the defense is stout enough to resist the Seminoles, who still have some digging out to do.
  • LSU/Auburn – I think this is the first time LSU has had to go on the road. I expect at least four chop blocks by Auburn and two ill-advised 2-point conversion tries by Les Miles. Advantage: the Tigers from Louisiana.
  • Georgia/Arizona State – There is no worse property of transiitive football STD than losing to a team that lost to UNLV.  Georgia should be able to 10+ point this if Dennis Erickson is having preparation lapses, but the idea of Mark Richt’s D-line stopping Keegan Harring and sacking Rudy Carpenter often enough to keep the score down is not exactly one I think we’ll see.

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