I Think I Have A Business Model That Might Work

Generally, I don’t take a whole lot of particular joy in writing “jock getting in trouble” stories; those of you who have read this site for a while have noticed that the “police blotter” tag is getting less and less of a workout because there’s no fun in it and most of it contributes to a very skewed view of athletes.

But every time a high-profile athlete gets a DUI, I just have to shake my head at the whole damn thing. Not because it’s wrong (obviously) and or oh-so-easy to avoid when you’re fucking loaded, but because I see a serious business opportunity for anyone with some start-up cash, and I wish it would be me. So when I read about Carmelo Anthony getting pulled over for a DUI (and let’s just note that the blood tests are NOT in, he was arrested on “suspicion of DUI”), I kept thinking of that business opportunity.

Famous athletes are like you and me — we all like to party, they have a better budget to do so. They like a tipple now and then, and the problem is that the standards of what’s legally drunk is down to .08 everywhere and you don’t need that kind of attention.

So, if I happened to know a baller or two, I’d propose this plan: start a nation-wide network of high-class limo services catering to the rich and famous, keep them out of trouble with the cops with a network of driers available when they hit the town.

I’d need to know a few ballers who liked to party, but word of mouth and trustworthiness would make it a hit. Teams would contract for it, and it would keep guys off the front pages for dumb decisions that all of us have made at one time or another. (Most of you out there, if you drink, have had to drive when you know you could have been legally hauled off for DUI but have hearty constitutions and didn’t show it on the way home. No, I certainly don’t advocate this.)

Maybe I’d call it “Off-Court Transport” or something catchy like that.

Photo courtesy of Denver Police Department

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