(Cue music, with various shots of players during practice.)
I don’t see myself as a coach. I am a leader who happens to coach losers in first weekend upsets. When my players go out into the workplace, they’re armed with not just a dependency on jump shots or the ability to flop on cue. I want you armed for life. I want you ready to know what failure is like, whether you fail in the NBA or need to come crawling back to me for a slot as an assistant on my bench because you had no notable skills in a 9 to 5 job. I want you to develop as a player, but not so much that you have enough talent not to be bent to my will. I want you to develop as a student, and I want you to develop as a human being, because no one in the Association will want your lack of skills. My life isn’t about winning meaningful games — not any more. That’s why my card is American Express.
Photo: AP/Susan Walsh
Filed under: coaches, college basketball, parody, whimsy | Tagged: advertising, Armani should get Bob Huggins on board with a gold suit, Duke Blue Devils, hate hate hate, March Madness, Mike Krzyzewski |