So the news came out some time yesterday that Cris Carter, formerly of HBO’s Inside the NFL, picked up a new gig with ESPN (via Awful Announcing.) Natch, that added one more voice to an already overloaded cadre of former players as analysts, and something probably had to give. Thankfully, that something was Sean Salisbury, who will be looking for new employment, and will be very lucky if Fox Sports even gives him a sniff at one of the shows they banish to their cable “network” of sports stations late at night.
I’ll miss some things about the blowhard: the easy, cheap picture message dick jokes his one-week suspension got him, and the even easier shots he invited by his mere presence. However, all that shit is outweighed by his obvious blowhard quality, and the stupid argument segments the producers would put him in with NFL writer John Clayton, who clearly sat on the other side of the camera, exasperated about wasting his time with such idiocy. That plus Salisbury’s tendency to be wrong in the loudest ways possible were less than edearing — if a Deadspin contributor is naming an attempted mock column of frequently incorrect football convention wisdom “The Sean Salisbury Wisdom”, you know you’ve hit a bad path somewhere down the line as an analyst.
All we need is to talk Bil Dwyer out of the stand-up circuit and we’ve got ourselves a BattleBots reunion all set and ready to go, frankly.
(I loved BattleBots, by the way. Don’t you dare fucking judge me.)