I’m waiting on Senator Mitchell to present first in an hour and a half before jumping head first into the names, etc. in the report — so, NFL picks first. All I’ll say now is waking up to Roger Clemens being named is pure joy. 10-6 last week, 109-99 overall. Home teams in boldface.
Broncos (-1.5) over Texans – Master beats two students here (Shanny the Rat Fink is taking on former OC Gary Kubiak and son Kyle, who is the Texans’ QB coach). Despite Denver’s shite run defense, I’m not sure the Texans can really run on anyone now with Ron Dayne.
Bengals (-8.5) over 49ers – No real explanation needed other than the Niners suck.
Saints (-3.5) over Cardinals – Liberated from the concept of Reggie Bush in the run game, the Saints will mash Stecker up the middle and get just as pass happy as the Cardinals — and Drew Brees is better and younger than Kurt Warner.
Jaguars (-4.5) over Steelers – Hunch pick. Both these teams can run all over defenses, but David Garrard’s accuracy will get some extra plays that make the difference.
Packers (-10.5) over Rams – I think Brock Berlin may be starting again. Even if Marc Bulger was back I’d take the Pack.
Buccaneers (-10.5) over Falcons – Atlanta is fucking demoralized right now. Any line less than two scores isn’t high enough.
Ravens (-4.5) over Dolphins – Bet against Miami until they cover.
Jets (+24.5) over Patriots – Don’t pick the Jets to win outright, but all the hype about a blowout on Sunday has me thinking that Mangini and Co. will play a bit better than expected.
Browns (-5.5) over Bills – Crucial wild-card fight game. Cleveland’s offense will propel them if they can get out in front.
Chiefs (+3.5) over Titans – The Chiefs may have sunk already, but Tennessee is on its way down for the season and Vince Young is having a sophomore slump.
Seahawks (-7.5) over Panthers – Yeah, yeah, Seattle has to travel to the Eastern time zone and they suck when they have to. But the Panthers are horrifically bad.
Colts (-10.5) over Raiders – Read on Pro Football Talk a couple days ago that Lane Kiffin was pissed he didn’t get the Arkansas job. The Cryptkeeper will be looking for another coach after the Colts run through Oakland.
Lions (+11.5) over Chargers – This has the smell of a Norv Turner collapse all over it. Don’t pick the Lions to win, but I sense a 10-point win because Rivers still stinks as much as Detroit’s secondary does.
Cowboys (-10.5) over Eagles – Donovan McNabb should look into the real estate markets in Chicago. I hear they need a QB next season.
Giants (-4.5) over Redskins – Eli is anything but unstoppable, but teams fail to keep him and the Giants from pulling games out late — and sadly, this will keep Tom Coughlin employed. Whether Joe Gibbs decides to remain so in the NFL is anyone’s guess.
Vikings (-9.5) over Bears – All hail the Neckbeard, but he won’t be able to get the Bears to cover short of a Christmas miracle.