The Shakedown, Week 14.

Yep, it’s coming down to this year’s edition of the Saturday Hatefest during Conference Championship Week everywhere else, as a co-worker and I have put bets in place for UCLA-USC, which I stole somewhat from the bet Orson and Holly made at EDSBS for Tennessee-Florida. We’ve made T-shirts for each other. If UCLA wins, I’ve got to wear a Bruins tee that has iron on letters on the back saying “HOT KARL LOVER”; if USC is victorious, his USC tee has “BOOTY BITCH” on the back.

The Big Top:

  1. Mizzou – Underdog against Oklahoma? Yeah, but there is the vengeance factor. Chase Daniel for Heisman, assholes!
  2. West Fucking Virginia – After smacking down the Wannstache, Pat White will find Erin Andrews and finally ask her out.
  3. Georgia –  Mostly because they could whip Ohio State so badly right now.
  4. Ohio State – How fucked up would it be if they make the MNC game after the shittiness of the Big10?
  5. LSU – A tip of the Big Hat, as he’s already out the door — and it might cost LSU on Saturday.
  6. Kansas – one bad half cost them a BCS bid, but this season is no loss for them.
  7. USC – Where the fuck was this team all this year? Better late than never.
  8. Oklahoma – If they have all the parts in place, they can obviously beat Mizzou again. But I think the Tigers want vengeance badly.
  9. Hawai’i – The reformation of Colt Brennan from Colorado washout and convict to star QB has been an exercise in image rehab.
  10. Virginia Tech – Same old Beamer Ball, good enough to get you an ACC championship, not enough to get you an MNC ever. Wins usually keep you in the same spot, not move you down, but I don’t see this team beating either of the two above it.

Falling Off The Ledge:

  • Arizona State – No shame in a 2-loss season, pending victory against Arizona. Another season with Dennis Erickson and you might just beat USC one of these days.
  • Oregon – So much promise, gone with Dennis Dixon’s knee ligament.

Ill-Advised Predictions:

  • State U. of New Jersey vs. Loovull – I still say Steve Kragthorpe won’t be fired, but given the rush to the guillotine so far this year in the head coaching ranks, I can’t be sure any more. Rutgers over a no-D Cardinals team in a match-up that looked ten times better earlier in the year.
  • Navy vs. Army – We love Paul Johnson, Ram Vela pulling a Roy Williams on Notre Dame, etc. So, give me the Midshipmen and their triple option.
  • Two QBs vs. One QB – VA Tech vs. BC yet again this year, and I suspect this one will end as the first one looked like it would for 55 minutes. Hokies take it this time.
  • Fat Phil vs. Mr. Hat – LSU is reeling too hard from the latest overtime loss and Les Miles is ready to take his idiot savant act to Ann Arbor. The Bayou Bengals have had a maddening habit of underachieving, and the last thing you want to do is that against a schizophrenic Tennessee team. I’ll take the Vols for the upset and the anti-psychotic meds necessary to believe the pick.
  • The Civil War – This looked to be a much better game if Dixon was in it. Now, we have equal amounts of mediocrity. Oregon State, please!
  • Arizona-ASU – Mike Stoops is still a lame coach when the season begins and picks up steam. However, he has run into the crazy that is Erickson and the arm of Rudy Carpenter.
  • The Crosstown Rivalry – My UCLA-alum co-worker will have to enjoy his “BOOTY BITCH” T-shirt, but I think having Karl Dorrell out of a job afterwards will soothe the pain somewhat. USC by at least two scores.
  • OU-Mizzou – Chase Daniel: VENGEANCE IS MINE!
  • Pitt- WFVU – Pat White rejects your offer of mustache rides, Pitt.
  • U-Dub-Hawai’i – Do we get to call Ty Willingham another mediocre black coach yet? I thought the Huskies were supposed to be competitive this year.

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