Channel 4 News League Recap, Week 12.

Four teams with the same record at the top, four at .500, two one game below, and two others fighting for the cellar. This league’s turned into a clusterfuck at the right time.

1. I Roll w Chris Henry 8-4-0 .667 1453.04
2. Jazz Fluties 8-4-0 .667 1244.84
3. Pennsyltucky Power! 8-4-0 .667 1223.60
4. I Love Lamp 8-4-0 .667 1177.66
5. Brady’s F*ck Trophy 6-6-0 .500 1404.46
6. The Rainmakers 6-6-0 .500 1356.38
7. Das Smoot 6-6-0 .500 1256.56
8. Haywood Jablome 6-6-0 .500 1173.72
9. SupremeSilverSharpie 5-7-0 .417 1301.56
10. Bad Newz Kennels 5-7-0 .417 1224.02
11. Benoit’s Day Care 3-9-0 .250 1177.92
12. Smoot’s Fingercuffs 3-9-0 .250 1085.68

Pennsyltucky Power! 157.86, The Rainmakers 144.34 – It’s hard to beat someone who has everyone outside of his two defensive players scoring double digits in fantasy points, no matter how well you do, and this means I’m riding another losing streak after RUTS beat me up via Kurt Warner, Antonio Gates, the Patriot defense, and Reggie Wayne.

Bad Newz Kennels 110.02, I Love Lamp 89.76 – AA is in 4th place for a reason despite an 8-4 record: the Lampers can’t run up high scores when they need to. The basement-dwelling Fingercuffs are the only team that’s scored fewer points. Marco ran it up on him with Carson Palmer and Devin Hester doing most of the damage.

Brady’s Fuck Trophy 160.54, Benoit’s Day Care 121.02 – Getting 30+ point performances out of both Brett Favre and Frank Gore (where you been, sir?) is one way to go about it, assisted by the Day Care’s Cedric Benson going down to injury and Joey Galloway being ineffective at wideout.

Smoot’s Fingercuffs 110.86, I Roll W/ Chris Henry 96.72 – On this Sunday, the last shall be first and the first shall be last. Cellar-dwelling Smoot’s Fingercuffs upset the first-place members of Chris Henry’s entourage, as Zach lined it up behind a 20 point performance by the Dallas defense on Tryptophan Day — and was aided by Tom Brady’s inability to nail more than 23 points alone for Larry Brown.

Jazz Fluties 108.26, Supreme Silver Sharpie 83.06 – The only double-digit performance TSW got was 30 points out of Minny’s defense, who just loves playing Eli Manning. The muck in Pittsburgh on Monday killed both Big Ben and Hines Ward, as Extra P. was able to coast by on a sub-par week from Vince Young.

Das Smoot 121.90, Haywood Jablome 116.54 – Peter went from cellar-dweller with Das Smoot to in the hunt for a playoff spot with a .500 record — on a 5 game winning streak. This on the back of Drew Brees, adding in 30+ points and cancelling out the injury to Marshawn Lynch and the non-production of Santonio Holmes. Ted is probably one of many fantasy owners cursing the disappearance of Todd Heap as an offensive factor, and Marvin Harrison was also out for his squad.

This Week: .500 teams take on each other as the Rainmakers and the Fuck Trophy square off; two 5-7 teams do the same when the Kennels and the Sharpie meet.  The 8-4 squads with the most and least points will bash on each other when the Lamp takes on Chris Henry; the Jazz Fluties will look to deal the Day Care a sixth straight loss. Das Smoot will look to pick up win #6 in a row by beating the Pennsyltucky residents; the Fingercuffs seek salvation from the cellar by climbing out over Haywood.


4 Responses

  1. Told you my team was a fraud.

  2. You have a big game coming up in Predicate Pigskin too, by the way.

    While you’re still a game ahead of the Pantywaists in the standings, you are going up against the (8-4) division leader next week, whereas mule is taking on the hapless (3-9) Beefalo Balls.

    If he wins and you lose, he makes the playoffs by virtue of a superior divisional record. Better get your game face on! :)

  3. I’m kind of sad that I didn’t change my name earlier in the season, but damn it, I’m riding Pennsyltucky to the end. My team name in the league I’m losing $110 with is “Twisted Fister”. Much more menacing.

  4. about 12 weeks too late, but i’m telling you, my team is raw!

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