9:30 AM – Wake up to watch Green Bay-Detroit on Fox, with breakfast. Marvel at the ability of both Joe Buck and Troy Aikman to verbally fellate Brett Favre sideways, and jaw drops at the fact that both members of the booth acknowledge that they are lavishing a lot of praise on the gunslinger, who throws 20 straight completions against a shitty, shitty secondary. Smile at the hucksterism involved in the halftime show by Fox in order to pimp the Goo Goo Dolls, solely relevant because the lead singer is one of the judges of their reality programs.
1:00 PM – Nearly put to sleep by comatose Jets offense while helping maternal unit prep hors d’oeuvres for the dinner. It’s very hard to do this while de-veining shrimp, because you have a knife in your hand, but no tryptophan needed in order to watch the Cowboys destroy Jersey/B — I’m looking forward to watching the Patriots destroy the Jets at the end of the season by 77-0 or something.
4:00 PM – Arrive at dinner, eat, drink enough red wine and beer to put lesser folk down for a week, suffer through political conversation, many jokes about how old I make other people feel just by being an adult.
5:30 PM – Fortunately, two of the other guests are die-hard USC people (including a professor), so we escape during dessert in order to watch the Trojans destroy Arizona State, so there was no extra stabby feelings on my part during the game. John David Booty treated the ASU secondary like porn-set fluffers, throwing four touchdown passes. Even better, the win now gives me a reason to care about Oregon-UCLA outside of the Karl Dorrell Death Watch (Oregon loses, USC takes the Pac-10 lead.)
Photo: AP/Paul Connors