How Fired Is Your Head Coach? – NFL Edition.

We did this with some of the college ranks’ hot seats, now I look at those coaching on Sundays who had the possibilities of getting pink slips before the season started or earned the possibility early on.

Scott Linehan, Rams – 0-8 speaks for itself after a mediocre 8-8 season in the first go-round. Injuries to his QB, top RB, and offensive line have not helped, but the least Lineha could have done is pay SOME attention to the defense. The front office is looking particularly silly for telling Mike Martz to take a hike a couple of years ago.

Verdict: He’s done unless some sort of miraculous comeback occurs where he winds up 8-8 again.

Cam Cameron, Dolphins – Same 0-8 problem after losing the top RB in Ronnie Brown and Trent Green to a concussion that everyone and their mother saw coming as soon as they traded for him. How do you like passing on Brady Quinn now, Fins fans? Ted Ginn’s family isn’t much of a consolation prize when you’re the shittiest team in the AFC East, which only looks decent because of the Patriots.

Verdict: Unless they finish 0-16, Cameron will get a second year he probably doesn’t deserve.

Norv Turner, Chargers – I’m still surprised this team is 4-4. I expected worse and I just might get it, seeing as how Norval is particularly averse to giving LaDainian Tomlinson the ball tat mind-boggling times — so much so that LDT may be writing letters to remind Norv of his existence (Satire Detectors on for the link, people.) Watching Phil Rivers play as poorly as Alex Smith is depressing and the injuries on the defensive line don’t look good either.

Verdict: He may still make the playoffs, so it’s hard to say that he gets the heave-ho unless San Diego completely collapses. Also note that firing Norv would be a tacit admission by A.J. Smith that he fucked up, so expect Turner to get every last chance.

John Fox, Panthers – Rotating between Vinny Testaverde and David Carr says everything you need to know. I used to defend Carr in Houston, but I don’t think I can do that any more (with one team you can blame the O-line, with two teams, it might be a problem.) Traditionally stingy Panthers defense is not so this season.

Verdict: So fired he should already be looking for coordinator jobs. Say hello to Cowher, Charlotte!

Andy Reid, Eagles – 3-5 record, amazing inability to adjust his play-calling to a star quarterback coming off injury, forgetting he has a running back in Brian Westbrook. We have to excuse his amazingly poor play calling and offensive line protection of Donovan McNabb: he clearly has other matters on his mind right now.

Verdict: Lord Rog may step in and ask him to take an extended leave of absence to save face, but Reid resigns of his own volition instead of getting pink-slipped.

Mike Nolan, 49ers – A disgusting lack of offensive consistency when the team has been touted for years as the “sleeper” pick with Alex Smith, who has had too many offensive coordinators to be effective.

Verdict: One more year after this one, but that’s it.

Jack Del Rio, Jaguars – Gambled on releasing Byron Leftwich and got lucky that David Garrard was consistent. Garrard’s subsequent injury isn’t his fault, and the Jaguars did take one game with Quinn Gray under center, although losing Marcus Stroud for four games may not help.

Verdict: He’s safe for another year, although he won’t make the playoffs. It’ll be deemed due to circumstances beyond his control (injuries, etc.)

Brian Billick, Ravens – Why hasn’t he been fired already? Probably because the coaching market wasn’t exactly dandy last year. The offense is still stagnant and the defense isn’t the juggernaut it used to be. Vaunted title of “offensive genius” likely more a reflection of having dynamite offense in his coordinator days in Minnesota.

Verdict: So very, thankfully fired when the Ravens miss the playoffs.

Bobby Petrino, Falcons – Michael Vick, Joey Harrington, DeAngelo Hall, usual receivers with bad hands, transitioning from college to the NFL, mutiny in the locker room. Louisville is looking really good right now.

Verdict: He’ll get another year and will do whatever it takes to make sure that second year is with his golden boy Brian Brohm under center — or he might pull a Saban first.

Romeo Crennel, Browns – Before the season, everyone thought he had to start Brady Quinn early to save his hide. Now, it turns out Derek Anderson is saving it.

Verdict: The Black FUPA will be sticking around Cleveland for another season or two at least and may be taking them to a wild card spot.

Marvin Lewis, Bengals – The opposite of former boss Brian Billick: a defensive coordinator with a team that can’t play a lick of defense. Player off-field troubles, sputtering offense at times, bound for first season as a head coach under .500.

Verdict: One more season for him, provided he fires his entire defensive staff and starts fresh on that side of the ball.

3 Responses

  1. My money says that, among teams on the bubble, there are few better bets to make the playoffs than the Chargers — yes, 4-4 is an awful place to be, but it’s also good enough to tie for first place in the AFC West (!)

    And can you see any of the other teams making a playoff run at this late date? After getting something like 75 points scored on them in the last three games, it ain’t gonna be Denver. KC isn’t gonna get it done either; the only people truly excited about the return of Priest Holmes are people who went into a coma after the 2002 fantasy season and are just waking up. The Cards still don’t have an offensive line or a defense; and the less said about the Raiders, the better.

    So yeah. Bolts to win the West. And hey, they’ve won three of their last four before getting run over by the Minnesota Petersons, so they might even win a wild card game this year, despite a defensive collapse rivaled only by Da Bears.

  2. I would like to include Joe Gibbs in this. Despite being 5-3, they are going no where. While we’re at it, fire Vinnie Cerrato too.

  3. Chimp – I thought about it, but do you really think Dan Snyder has the brass ones to fire Joe Gibbs?

    If it gets bad enough, Joe Gibbs will resign and you’ll have Gregg Williams for a head coach.

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