This is just how Tiger Woods rolls these days, and the announcement that he will be the recipient of his own brand of sports drink from Gatorade called “Gatorade Tiger,” natch, is one of the more interesting marketing developments to my commercially addled little mind.
The deal has been in the works since the summer, and Golfweek reported earlier that it came down to Gatorade and Vitamin Water. It became obvious who won out when Woods began drinking from Gatorade bottles during the final month of the PGA Tour season, even when the Gatorade product wasn’t available at certain tournaments.
“Gatorade has been part of my game plan for years, whether I’m training or competing, so this is an ideal match,” Woods said in a statement. “I’m eager to launch my first signature product in a few months and look forward to developing additional sports performance beverages with Gatorade in the coming years.”
Everyone knows Gatorade is only tasty if you’re using it for its intended purpose in athletic activity or in extracurricular alcoholic activity (whether as a chaser or as a hangover cure.) That said, I certainly hope to purchase it when it comes out in grape, a cherry blend, and citrus blends — I suspect each will chase vodka fairly well — but I have to say I’m disappointed in the flavor selection, and would like to suggest these ones to Tiger if the line is ever expanded:
- Phil Mickelson’s Tears (extra sweet when whipping a rival’s ass at anything)
- Fried Chicken and Collard Greens (this is probably a Jones Soda flavor, so I understand why it was passed over)
- Watermelon (this and the previous one are both Fuzzy Zoeller-approved!)
- Thai Tea (gotta cover all aspects of those Cablinasian roots)
- Swedish Ice (in honor of the lovely missus)
I’m telling you, the “Mickelson’s Tears” flavor will be flying off the fucking shelves. And you know other Gatorade endorsees will be looking to get in on some of this. “Gatorade Peyton” will likely be fruit-based, but will change flavors depending on how you shake it and how long it is chilled. “Gatorade Jeter” will likely be the least popular, because it will taste like a bad combination of starlet and A-Rod.
Update: Son of a…The Angry T did this gag ten times better, with Photoshopped goodness, and even made the Rory Sabbatini joke I couldn’t come up with at 2 AM.