1. I Love Lamp 6-0-0 1.000 623.02
2. I Roll w Chris Henry 5-1-0 .833 715.24
3. The Rainmakers 4-2-0 .667 694.86
4. Jazz Fluties 4-2-0 .667 662.26
5. Haywood Jablome 4-2-0 .667 580.78
6. Bad Newz Kennels 3-3-0 .500 687.42
7. Pennsyltucky Power! 3-3-0 .500 619.06
8. Brady’s F*ck Trophy 2-4-0 .333 657.96
9. Benoit’s Day Care 2-4-0 .333 579.82
10. Das Smoot 1-5-0 .167 594.42
11. SupremeSilverSharpie 1-5-0 .167 585.88
12. Smoot’s Fingercuffs 1-5-0 .167 558.20
Haywood Jablome 103.96, The Rainmakers 96.06 – Basically, I got fucked for a second straight loss, this time at Ted’s hands, because Purple Jesus crucified the Chicago defense, earning me no team defensive points in a battle where I needed an eight point stop for a win. I have picked up Tampa Bay’s defense off the waiver wire in response. Benching Marques Colston didn’t help either because he actually caught a touchdown last week.
Das Smoot 126.64, Jazz Fluties 116.04 – Peter breaks a five game winless streak to start the season thanks to the resurrection of Fantasy Jesus, as LDT’s four touchdown game netted more than a third of his point total. Chad Pennington’s limp arm cost Extra P. badly, but it’s not like he would have gotten anything more out of an injured Vince Young.
I Roll w/ Chris Henry 139.46, Pennsyltucky Power! 69.94 – Larry ran up the score on Run Up The Score with 42 points from Tom Brady and 33 from Maurice Jones-Drew. RUTS got saddled with the worst QB performance of the week, as a hurt Kurt Warner cost him negative points.
Benoit’s Day Care 121.88, Smoot’s Fingercuffs 103.50 – The Flyers Fieldhouse took this one for a second straight win thanks to the fantasy gold that Derek Anderson has turned himself into in Cleveland (to be fair, anyone can run up fantasy points against Miami, look for Larry to garner 50 points or more from Tom Brady next week) and 16 points from the Green Bay Defense.
Bad Newz Kennels 151.76, Brady’s Fuck Trophy 140.64 – Not even 40+ from Purple Jesus, 26 from T.J. Whosyourmama and 16 from the Charger defense was able to propel the Fuck Trophy to victory, as the Kennels got 15 alone from Julius Peppers, 27 from Devin Hester, and almost 40 from the RB tandem of DeAngelo Williams and Brian Westbrook. OMDQ got screwed by Brett Favre, who got only 5 points.
I Love Lamp 93.30, Supreme Silver Sharpie 73.74 – Starting Daunte Culpepper and a few other scrubbers due to the bye week, AA pulled out the lowest scoring victory this week thanks to Baltimore’s defense, which was beating up on the Rams this week. TSW got victimized by another subpar Philip Rivers game, as the QB only got 5 points on the board. AA is now looking like the Patriots of this league — no matter how decimated he is by the bye week right now, he still wins. The man won with Culpepper!
This Week’s Action: I try to get it going again as the Rainmakers take on the Fingercuffs, Extra P. and Marco square off in a battle of STF correspondents as the Fluties try to raid the Kennels…Haywood takes on a Pennsyltucky team that looks devastated by the bye this week, the Day Care will be the latest to try and take down the Lamp for a loss…Brady’s Fuck Trophy looks to try and avoid getting rammed up the ass by its namesake, as Chris Henry’s entourage member has Tom Brady facing the Dolphins’ D, and two more 1-5 teams try to hit two wins as the Sharpie battles Das Smoot.