Channel 4 News League Recap, Week 1.

Let’s take a look at the League after Week 1.

1. The Rainmakers 1-0-0 1.000 132.36 W-1 1 –
2. I Roll w Chris Henry 1-0-0 1.000 117.12 W-1 3 1
3. Jazz Fluties 1-0-0 1.000 115.92 W-1 7 2
4. The Mr. Beldings 1-0-0 1.000 115.10 W-1 9 –
5. Brady’s F*ck Trophy 1-0-0 1.000 107.40 W-1 4 –
6. I Love Lamp 1-0-0 1.000 100.16 W-1 2 –
7. SupremeSilverSharpie 0-1-0 .000 98.58 L-1 8 –
8. Benoit’s Day Care 0-1-0 .000 97.08 L-1 6 1
9. Pennsyltucky Power! 0-1-0 .000 95.86 L-1 12 3
10. Smoot’s Fingercuffs 0-1-0 .000 95.48 L-1 10 –
11. Bad Newz Kennels 0-1-0 .000 93.46 L-1 5 1
12. Das Smoot 0-1-0 .000 79.66 L-1 11 1

The Rainmakers 132.36, Pennsyltucky Power! 95.86 – RUTS got absolutely screwed by the lackluster performance by Jags RB Fred Taylor and the injury to Giants RB Brandon Jacobs after Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne put us both in the twenties on Thursday night. I had a better than average week with Laveranues Coles getting a six and Wes Welker having a good day.

I Love Lamp 100.16, Bad Newz Kennels 93.46 – In the closest match of the week, AA’s defensive players wound up giving him a massive boost, along with a nearly 30-point day from Jon Kitna. A banner day for Texans WR Andre Johnson couldn’t help Marco make up a deficit due to the Colts shutting down Deuce McAllister on Thursday.

Brady’s Fuck Trophy 107.40, Benoit’s Day Care 97.08 – Even a non-existent day from Seattle WR Deion Branch wasn’t enough to slow down the Fuck Trophy, as Purple Jesus Adrian Peterson was his star player this week. The Day Care left Broncos WR Brandon Marshall and his touchdown catch on the bench, sadly.

I Roll W/ Chris Henry 117.12, Smoot’s Fingercuffs 95.40 – A huge 30-point day from Tom Brady helped Larry roll on Zach despite the underachieving of Maurice Jones-Drew. Zach suffered through the fumble-itis of Steven Jackson, Niner TE Vernon Davis sucking, and the craptitude of the Dallas Cowboys’ defense in giving up 35 points to the Giants.

Jazz Fluties 115.92, Supreme Silver Sharpie 98.58 – Bad benching of the week: TSW leaving Randy Moss to ride pine while racking up 24.30 on Sunday. If it’s of any comfort to her, subbing him for DeShaun Foster or Derrick Mason wouldn’t have added enough points for her to beat Extra P alone, who got his huge bumps from Joseph Addai and, in an added insult to his Steeler loving opponent, the Pittsburgh D’s stout day againt the Browns. In a double indemnity, TSW also left Big Ben Roethlisberger on the bench in favor of Philip Rivers — one of the few times where lack of homerism killed.

The Mr. Beldings 115.10, Das Smoot 79.66 – Peter may want to have a talk with his team this week. Despite LDT’s subpar rushing performance, he still got 20 points — the problem for the second team of Smooters was Drew Brees’ decimation at the hands of the Colts and the Broncos’ D underachieving early on. The Beldings hold the fantasy performer of the week — Tony Romo garnered 43 points for them, and two of those TDs going to T.O. added another 20.


5 Responses

  1. I could have started Ben and Moss and smacked the shit out of Extra P. I have Moss in almost every league, and this was the ONE league I did not start him in.


  2. Drew Brees better pull his head out of his Purdue ass, because I’m more than ready to usher in the Matt Schaub Era. Don’t test me, Drew.

  3. My bumps, my bumps, my lovely lady lumps.

  4. Little known fact, Pete. Matt Schaub has 100% less facial cooties than Brees.

  5. Fuck you, auto draft. Fuck you right in the ear.

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