Tigers 16, Yankees 0 – Are we sure that Mike Mussina hasn’t realized that he’s not pitching in your keg softball league right now? Six runs in three innings, and then the Yankee bullpen just decided to give up early, as if there were no actual bats in the line-up.
Phillies 9, Mets 2 – Re: the Mets and Chase Utley’s return: expletive, [PHRASE REDACTED], vulgarity, offensive term for genitalia merged with the Philly 2B’s name, and let’s not forget the gratuitous insult at Brian Lawrence’s sexual preferences.
Angels 6, Mariners 0 – John Lackey decides it is once again, time to get ill, and dishes out seven hits in a complete game shutout of the M’s to get his 16th win. Garret Anderson goes deep again.
Dodgers 5, Nats 4 – Derek Lowe gives up three homers and still manages to win via the go-ahead run on a Ramon (Not Pedro’s Brother) Martinez’s sacrifice fly.
Indians 8, Twins 3 – It helps to have a very slow runner out of the box in order to pull the 5-4-3 triple play, and the backup catcher counts. Casey Blake to Astrubal Cabrera and Victor Martinez. Martinez homered, catcher Kelly Shoppach and DH Travis Hafner both drove in two runs.
Braves 13, Marlins 2 – Homer count for ATL: Brian McCann (grand slam), Kelly Johnson (solo shot), Matt Diaz (solo job). Three hits and three runs scored for the Man With the Barking Groin (Chipper Jones).
Blue Jays 6, Athletics 2 – Four-run 12th prompted by a Troy Glaus double off the wall gets the Blue Jays another win on the West Coast road trip.
Padres 3, Diamondbacks 1 – Two-run homer for Geoff Blum to break it open as Jake Peavy gets 11 strikeouts on the other end.
White Sox 5, Devil Rays 4 – At least the South Siders know they can take a game from Tampa Bay still. Jose Contreras gets his first win in more than two months because Edwin Jackson sucks more than he does (giving up consecutive homers to A.J. Pierzynski, Jermaine Dye, and Juan Uribe.)
Giants 4, Rockies 1 – No matter where Jorge Julio goes, he’ll always be coughing up runs, even to the worst teams, as a reliever directly descended from the Armando Benitez school of not holding offenses down. Came into the eighth with the game tied, and left it down 3 runs.
Photo: AP/Paul Sancya