These NFL Previews Are Not Rated: NFC North.

Phew, we’ve made it to the end.

1. Chicago Bears (Dave Chappelle) – Even in absentia and hiding back in stand-up land, he’s still hitting it harder than most everyone else on the list, winning by default. Same goes for the Bears, who lose a few players and still look like the class of the division because the NFC North is the worst division in football.

2. Detroit Lions (Chris Rock) – Much like the Lions can assemble talent, yet not manage to be able to put it together into anything meaningful, such is the movie career of Chris Rock as a leading actor: utterly unremarkable. I’m reminded of this due to constant DVD ads for I Think I Love My Wife, another offense of American cinema when it comes to remaking Euro films. This team has immaculate talent in the passing game, and Tatum Bell is certainly better than the backs they’ve had. Hopefully Rod Marinelli can get them to play better defense in his second year as head coach.

3. Minnesota Vikings (Chris Tucker) – One or two-note team at this time: rushing the ball and good defense, and Tucker can only play one form of character when he’s actually in a movie. The running back tandem (hopefully) of Chester Taylor and Adrian Peterson will be able to rack up yards against teams that can’t slam eight or nine in the box and stop repeatedly. The defense consists of ballhawkers, so this might be a good defense to grab if interceptions count a lot in your fantasy league (I got a lot of benefit out of them last year.) Whether Tavaris Jackson pans out or not is the big question.

4. Green Bay Packers (Eddie Murphy) – Falling back in the twilight years of his career into self-pardoy, it’s a wonder Brett Favre hasn’t caught more shit for his regular retirement dramas every off-season. Watching Raw and watching video of Favre back in the day is like watching two masters at the top of their game, and seeing them now is lamentable. Every so often you get a reminder of how awesome they can be (Dreamgirls, a couple games last year for Favre), and knowing this year will provide more evidence of the downfall.

5 Responses

  1. Katt Williams can’t get no love? lol

  2. The Bears did lose some starters, but it may have been addition by subtraction. Adam Archuleta and Darwin Walker replacing Chris Harris and Tank Johnson? At worst that’s a stand-pat, defensively. And Greg Olsen and Devin Hester (OK; through one preseason game, versus the Texans) seem to be living up to the hype as receiving threats.

    Overall this looks like a stronger team than last year’s, despite Thomas Jones heading over to the Jets. My concerns are mostly limited to durability: if Cedric Benson and/or Mike Brown can’t stay healthy, it could be another tough playoff run for the Monsters of the Midway. But as you point out, the rest of the division is a mess, so they’ll probably get to sleep in Wild Card Weekend, at least.

    — Ajax.

  3. I’ve seen Katt Williams on a couple epis of “Wild ‘N Out”, but I don’t know him well enough.

  4. Pimp Chronicles, Signal. Just rent The Pimp Chronicles.

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