The Interrogation.

Tiger Woods became a father yesterday to Sam Alexis Woods, the first child in his marriage to Elin Nordegren (of course, announced on his web site.) The early years will be tough enough, I imagine, but we can only guess the difficulty down the road.

Scene: A large estate in Orlando, FL, where we see a Mercedes driving up into a giant parking garage and stopping. A young man, about 16 or 17 years of age, exits the car, checks his shirt, grabs the flowers out of the passenger seat, and begins to walk up to the front door. He straightens up, and rings the doorbell.

Butler: Ah, you must be Mr. Young. Take a seat over on that couch over there; Sam is getting ready.
Teen (Nervously): Oh, um, sure…thanks.

(He walks over through a large foyer, into a waiting room with a large TV, and sits on a couch, luscious and comfortable enough to fall into. There are various trophies on the walls, belonging to not only Sam, but to her father as well. He hears footsteps and stands up, almost a bit too quickly. Tiger and Elin walk in. Tiger is greying, and his hair has thinned a bit on the top. Elin has slight creases in her face, but outside of that, it’s hard to see that they’ve aged.)

Teen: Mr. Woods, Mrs. Woods; it’s a pleasure to meet you. (Shakes Tiger’s hand stiffly.)
Tiger: So you’re Sean. Sam’s told us so much about you.
Elin: It’s wonderful to meet you. Would you like anything to drink? Sam’s just taking a while to get ready.
Sean: Um, yes, of course. A glass of water would be nice.
Elin: Jeffrey? Can we get a glass of water for our guest?
Butler: Yes, madam.
Elin: That’ll be coming. Now, have a seat. I’m going to go check on her, you two wait right here; I’m sure it won’t be long.
Sean: Uh…sure. (Sits down nervously, as Tiger crosses and sits across from him. He turns on a baseball game.)
Tiger: So, Sam tells us you’re on the golf team, Sean. How long have you been playing?
Sean: Yes, sir, about seven years or so. Started when I was nine or ten.
Tiger: Please, call me Tiger. Gosh, I remember when I was driving it at your age. Playing in amateur competitions — those were the good old days.

(The butler walks in with a glass of water and a cola. Sean takes the glass and sips nervously as Tiger takes a quick swig.)

Sean: So I’ve read. Are those some of your trophies up there?
Tiger: Yeah, you know, kind of mix them in with Sam’s and all that. I thought she’d take up golf, but no, she decided to go for basketball. I can’t say I blame her. So where are you guys headed tonight?
Sean: Just for dinner and a movie….we’ll be back pretty early, I think.
Tiger: Sam says you’ve got one of the best swings on the team.
Sean: Well, it’s OK, it could always use work…
Tiger: Show me. (Hands Sean an iron. Sean walks over to a larger corner of the room, without furniture, and takes a practice swing.) Not bad, not bad at all.
Sean: Hey, thanks, Mr. Woods.
Tiger: Tiger, please. Try this: now just relax a little more, ease your shoulders back, and try it again. You’re putting a little too much into it right now.

(Sean tries it again.)

Tiger: Much better. I had to make those adjustments after I kept getting a few second places before Sam was born, then I just started whooping it up again. You gotta ease back.

(Elin brings Sam downstairs.)

Sam: Sean! (Looks at Tiger.) Dad, don’t tell me you’re giving my date pointers again.
Tiger: Sweetie, I just wanted to see his swing. I was just about to tell him about how I got mine back in the PGA after you were born.
Sam: We’re gonna be late for the movie. C’mon, Sean, let’s go.
Sean: Oh, we’re gonna be early at this rate, Sam…I’m sure we’ve got time.
Sam: Ugh! Can’t you just intimidate him like every other dad?
Elin: Sam, your father means well.
Sam: Sean, let’s go now.
Sean: Uh, OK. Nice to meet you both!
Tiger: Have her home by 11, please, and I’ll tell you about that plus the time I made John Smoltz my personal ATM.
Sean: Yes, sir!


9 Responses

  1. […] and Elin Announce the Birth of their Daughter Sam (Tiger The Interrogation (Signal to […]

  2. […] and Elin Announce the Birth of their Daughter Sam (Tiger The Interrogation (Signal to […]

  3. I reakon Sam’s first words are gonna be ‘Golf?! Are you serious?!!’

  4. […] The Interrogation. [image]Tiger Woods became a father yesterday to Sam Alexis Woods, the first child in his marriage to Elin Nordegren (of […] […]

  5. Angelina Jolie just announced she’s interested in adopting little Sam. How noble.

  6. Abarclay: well played.

    Sanchez: Tiger will have a slight crisis about it and move on after she hits jumpers like crazy.

  7. hehe, yeah probably.

  8. I got this site from my pal who shared with me regarding this web site and at the
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