Mark Cuban’s Got Those Happy Feet.

Rumor has it (on SI’s web site) that Mavs owner Mark Cuban will be dipping his toes back into the realtiy-TV waters again, after The Benefactor barely made a ripple in its one short season. This time, he will follow other names from the world of sports, such as Emmitt Smith and Clyde Drexler, and be part of the new season of Dancing with the Stars.  Reported to be joining Cuban on the show (in an announcement that ABC is putting off until Wednesday’s Good Morning America) is former Spice Girl (and Eddie Murphy baby mama) Melanie Brown, actress Jennie Garth, and the king of Vegas himself, Wayne Newton.

I’m gonna put my money on Wayne right now, but before we get to that, I just feel like Cuban is missing his niche here. He may be the second coming of Fred Astaire (although I highly doubt it), but it’s not really in his wheelhouse. I’ve tried to come up with a few suggestions for a reality show that would really put his talents to use (also one people would want to see):

  • Blowing the Whistle.  In a twist on his Dairy Queen stunt a few years back, Mark goes to refereeing school and gets thrown right into calling D-League action after six months of training. Hijinks ensue when he gets called up to the big time in the purge of refs fired by Stern after being found to have gambled.
  • Reversing the Curse. Fighting against Jerry Reinsdorf, Bud Selig, and various others in his attempts to buy the Chicago Cubs and run the franchise properly by owning it.
  • Back to Bloomington. Cuban returns to his alma mater, a booster looking to do what it takes to get not only the Hoosier men’s hoops back to the promised land, but also to keep Myles Brand and the IU faculty off the back of the boys.
  • Front Office Live. Mark hosts ESPN’s latest video gaming competition; this time, the competitors run the career modes on various EA games, and are in competition for running their teams, trading, and drafting. Winner gets to run the Mavericks for a day.
  • Five Minutes to Showtime. Cuban’s efforts with HDNet and blog entries about the news media compel him to take his shot at one of the Big Three networks in running a newsroom. Conflict arises with the management when Mark hires an anchor who has a hard time handling breaking stories or ad-libbing in the clutch.

I think the ref idea’s probably the most captivating myself, especially when he has to figure out if Dwyane Wade actually got fouled heading into the lane in the penultimate episode.

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One Response

  1. [...] Signal to Noise) Tags: Dancing With the Stars, Mark [...]

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