Look, I acknowledge that picking on the ESPYs is easy; hell, it’s run by ESPN. Like most award shows, it’s filled with boring entertainment segments, unfunny bits where athletes try to unleash the inner comedian and amuse us on purpose (accidentally winding up making us laugh at them, not with them), and it’s really just a circle jerk for the sports-entertainment axis. The only redeeming factor about the entire thing is that it raises money for the V Foundation, and I’m not one to talk ill about any fund-raising efforts against cancer.
However, it mystifies me why ESPN would make the debatable programming decision they do with the ESPYs every year, which is hold a big ceremony during the week, tape the fucker, release the winners the next day, and still expect people to actually tune in to watch a taped program on Sunday where we are subject to three hours or so of Jimmy Kimmel cracking dumb-ass and LeBron James in the get-up above (thank you, Head Chick.)
This reminds me: I swear Kimmel used to be funny. I watched enough of Win Ben Stein’s Money and early Man Show to prove it. Either I was young and stupid regarding actual humor in this world or Sarah Silverman is a succubus who absorbs the comedic content of any man she sleeps with. (As you can probably tell, I don’t think she’s that funny.)
I mean, what’s the point of watching if you already know Fantasy Jesus won four awards and the co-host took the NBA Player of the Year award or something in advance? It’s not like the Four-Letter had anything better to air on Wednesday night — why not just bite the bullet and air the fucker live, coast-to-coast? And if not that, why not do the East Coast-live, West Coast-tape delay deal?